Saturday, April 23, 2016

So Prince Died and Veterans are Pissy

So the legendary pop artist Prince died unexpectedly a few days ago. I wasn't ever a great fan of his, however I can appreciate his virtuosity, showmanship and talent. I do have two of his albums on the original vinyl, because who didn't in my generation? Anyway I have been seeing a lot of chatter on social media decrying the fact that the general public is making a big deal about his death but not mentioning anything about the multiple deaths our military has experienced recently. Some folks are getting downright pissy and saying that they are glad Prince died or that it doesn't matter. Not only is that classless but it is irrelevant.

Prince's death and the subsequent media coverage and outpouring of sorrow has nothing to do with the respect or lack of respect being given to those in the military that have given the last full measure of devotion. One of my saner colleagues remarked how ironic it is that veterans were expressing self absorption while they mocked self absorption. You can feel sad about something and feel equally as sad about something else. It is not a zero sum game.

Truthfully though besides bitching on the Book of Face I would like to know what some of these folks have actually done to help mitigate veteran suicide or help support a gold star family? Have they attended an Honor Flight or joined a Veterans Service Organization? Volunteered in the community to take care of grave sites? What have they done? The sensitivity and entitlement sometimes exhibited by the veterans community occasionally gets out of hand. Sometimes I feel like certain former military members are afraid of losing relevance. I read a good article the other day that stated that our time in the military should not be the end all be all of our lives. We should be that shining example not the stereotypical joke. Educate those you feel are deficient but do it in a tactful and professional manner. Invite one of your Prince loving friends to a community veterans event. Be a good community member. Mostly quit being a dick its OK to like a lot of things everyone appreciates your service.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

CVO Gun Talk Episode 001

Our first episode. 3 guys talk guns and training. Download here or subscribe on itunes

Hawkeye 50K: 6th Consecutive

I ran and completed the Hawkeye 50K for my 6th consecutive time yesterday in 7:52:24. Over an hour slower than last year and 2 hours slower than my best time on that course. I was severely under trained, oh lets be honest I trained none for this race. I ran a long run of 15 miles on the course the week before and averaged about 15-20 miles per week total leading up to the race. But I had to run it. This was my first ultra back in 2010 and if I don't run another race all year I will run this one. I am going to complete a streak of 10 years and see where it leads form there. I have written 5 other race reports so I wont go into the course much.

I ran most of the first loop by myself, leapfrogging Kris and Marci two friends on there first 50K attempt (they smoked me by 12 minutes hurrah!!). I spent the second lap pacing a young lady named Hillary who was also on her first attempt. In all honesty motivating her to continue also motivated me. It was a win win.

I learned a few things. #1 you can finish things if you put your mind to them.#2 pain is relative. I didn't feel any better or any worse really than the other ultras I have raced. I was just moving slower at the same perceived effort. So that is what training does? It lets you move faster at the same perceived effort, eureka!!!

My friend Brian was the Race Director and I had many friends out on the course and volunteering. They all did a fantastic job. I would like to give a shout out to my cousin Mark who spent all day at the stream crossing making sure people were safe. #3 I still love trail running. Multiple people greeted me by name and waved throughout the race. Very cool.

Well I need to think about what the year will bring. Now that the Hawkeye monkey is off my back not sure what is next. Some pictures.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Merle Haggard

My favorite country music artist Merle Haggard died yesterday. He died on his birthday at the age of 79. Merle was my favorite for many reasons. Not the least of which was he reminds me of my Father.

He reminds me of my Father because my Dad used to play his albums on the turntable in our living room while we were cleaning house. He also reminds me of my Dad because his song "Working Man Blues" is about my Dad and his hard work raising 6 kids on a construction workers salary.

Merle will always be my go to artist. His "Bakersfield Sound" is head and shoulders above the crap they call country music today. RIP Mr. Haggard

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

15 years

So I had a friend post that today was his 1 year anniversary of being alcohol free. I thought "Now that is a significant accomplishment." Then I realized that my own anniversary of sobriety had come and gone on the 8th of March. 15 years had regulated this once significant event to something that barely registers.

I started drinking alcohol when I was 14 years old. Throughout high school and the military I was a steady to heavy drinker. Before I was legal I used to get beer the way that most underage drinkers do. Using a fake ID or getting an older  friend to buy it. Once of age, it was game on. When I lived in the barracks as a young private it wasn't uncommon for me to polish off a 12 pack of beer and a bottle of Boones Farm Apple wine nightly. I would then celebrate my accomplishment by hurling the glass bottle against the cinder block wall of my room.

Several incidents stick out in my mind over the years. The time I got off work on Thursday night at the start of a four day weekend and chugged an entire bottle of Bacardi 151 to get the weekend started. I woke up 3 days later. Or the time myself and my fellow instructors stayed up drinking whiskey until 3 AM and then showed up to work at 5AM to do our 6 high altitude parachute jumps with our students. Sucking oxygen at ground level in an attempt to sober up. Or the time I was car surfing in Switzerland and the car took a left and my body took a right. As I hit the cobblestones at about 30 mph I was hoping I didn't get a license plate to the back of the head. Or the time I was so hungover on a redeployment that I flew from Greece to Germany with a stopover in Spain without ever waking up. I have many more instances of "good times" that were a result of alcohol induced poor decisions.

I was a functioning alcoholic. I never missed work. I never fucked up in a major way.I never got a DUI. Never went to a meeting.  But no doubt about it I was an alcoholic. Then I went to a birthday party at a NCO club in Southern Bavaria. I don't remember much of that night. I do remember waking up the next day covered in puke with the worst hangover I had ever experienced. The hangover lasted for a solid week. Even the sight of alcohol made me nauseous. It was then I made the decision to take a hiatus from booze. It was hard at first. All my friends were used to Drunk Mike. Sober Mike confused them.I had to quit chewing tobacco as well, as that made me crave a beer. But as time stretched from one year to two and into three my situation changed. New friends never knew drunk Mike. Old friends accepted the fact I no longer drank and quit asking me to enjoy a beer with them. Time marched on and I kept on my hiatus.

I won't say things are perfect. Alcohol is very much a part of the culture of guns,manliness,cops, emergency medicine and military that I hang with. I often feel out of place or like the fifth wheel at social gatherings. Mostly I choose not to go when invited just to head off the awkwardness. I sometimes still wander down the beer aisle wondering " if just one Hefe Weizen" would be ok. Make no mistake I didn't quit drinking because I didn't like it, I quit because I was too good at it. But inevitably I decide to "wait until next time." So I will continue my hiatus. I won't ever say I quit because if given the opportunity on my deathbed I am having a dang beer.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Captain Clay Higgins

I was first introduced to the man they call the "Cajun John Wayne" when I was perusing Facebook and saw one of his videos shared on my feed. I clicked on the link and saw a tough,STRAC looking law officer giving some real talk to the thieves that had vandalized a church. I did some research and discovered this officer was named Clay Higgins and he was a Captain on the Saint Landry Parish Louisiana Sheriff's Department. I loved his no bullshit approach to law enforcement and his videos broadcast on the local Crimestoppers segments.

But it was this video that would become the undoing of Captain Higgins

The ACLU complained that this video "intimidated" the alleged gang members. Family members believed it put them in danger. The furor that was ignited caused the Sheriff to instruct Captain Higgins to tone down the rhetoric on his CrimeStoppers segments. Captian Higgins felt he could not follow these orders in good conscious and today he resigned from the Sheriff's Department.

It is a crying shame that those that are weak are allowed to drag down the warriors in this nation. This episode reminds me of what happened to George Patton during WWII. It also reminds me of the character played by Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men"

We need more men like Clay Higgins. Dedicated professional men who have dedicated their life in the service of others and the combating of evil. We have let him down.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Hell House Marine assaulted

Recently one of the 3 Marnes in the iconic "Hell House" photo from the 2nd battle of Fallujah was assaulted outside a McDonald's in our nations capital. So much is wrong with that I can't even list everything. Remember friends stay aware, avoid places where things may happen,continue to train. I hope this young devil dog recovers fully.

Monday, February 15, 2016

My Top 5 Doctor Who Episodes

So the announcement was made recently that there would be no new Doctor Who episodes until 2017!!! As much of an Anglophile as I am the way the BBC drags out the series irritates me. I have been watching Doctor Who since I was about 7 and first saw it on Iowa Public Television. It is a mainstay although I have missed it for long periods when I was overseas etc.. Any way in no particular order here are my favorite episodes. The episodes that made me go "Holy Crap did you see that!!"

1. The Unearthly Child-  Season 1 Episode 1: This is where it all started. I never actually saw this episode until Netflix became a thing but nevertheless it belongs on the list.

2. The Mind Robber- Season 6 Serial 2- The Second Doctor is whisked to a world of pure fantasy. This serial was all about books. One of my favorite subjects. The departure into the world of fantasy was unique for the Doctor.

3. Terror of the Autons-  Season 8 Episode 1 : The third Doctor who also happens to be my favorite Doctor. He was very campy utilizing his Martian Judo and such. Also the Master makes his appearance as the Doctor's arch enemy. The Moriarty to his Holmes

4. Genesis of the Daleks  Season 12 Serial 4- The 4th Doctor goes back to where the Daleks began and meets the evil Davros. Ultimately he has a morale dilemma. He has the opportunity to stop the Daleks from ever existing but should he? Really tied together all the questions about the Daleks.

5. Heaven Sent- Season 9 (New Series) Episode 12- This is a very new episode however the sheer magnitude of the Doctor escaping a prison after breaking through a solid azbatanium mountain for thousands of years was inspiring. I really enjoyed it.

As you can see I mostly like the Classic Who although I think the Capaldi version in the current incarnation is very good as well. Mostly because I see it as a throwback.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Why are Legends Legends?

This past weekend Gordy Ainsleigh showed why legends are legends. But lets set the stage. In 1974 Gordy decided he would attempt to finish a 100 mile trail race that had previously only been attempted by horses. Just to prove it could be done. This race became the Western States 100 . Fast forward to this year. Western States has become iconic in trail racing. It is the oldest 100 mile trail race in the United States and thousands try to qualify for one of the few spots on a yearly basis. Gordy has continued to run the race however in 2013 the Western States Board voted that Gordy would have to qualify like everyone else to participate. In 2015 the qualification standards were raised  in response to the popularity of the race.

There was a good chance that the founder of the race would not be able to participate. Many in the trail and ultra community howled and beat the drums suggesting to the board that Gordy should have a lifetime exemption. However Gordy would have none of it. He respected the decision and played by the rules. He wanted no special dispensation. His thought was if he couldn't qualify he didn't deserve to take a spot from a more deserving runner. And this past weekend he qualified at the Rocky Raccoon 100 miler in 28:31:57. At the age of 68 he ran the entire race in a skate boarding helmet for safety due to a previous concussion. Legends are legends because they do legendary shit!!

Image result for rocky raccoon 100 ainsleigh video

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Hey Army Guy-Nobody Cares!!!!

So the other day a new hire at my business says he wants to talk to me. I said sure and he sat down in my office. He then regaled me with his many years of military experience (6 years). His desire that our employees should be better trained ( I agree but unfortunately clients pay the bills so they get what they pay for.) His thoughts that he should become an instructor for the company ( I asked for his bonafides and he had none other than he almost went to Special Forces selection and he was a combat lifesaver.) I discussed the reality of the business world with him and sent him on his way with some encouragement, to put his nose to the grindstone and good things would happen. Good initiative poor execution on his part.

After he left I reflected on the undeniable fact that I have learned in my 11 years of post military "retirement." That fact being NOBODY CARES! You could be the most ass kicking operator with multiple combat tours and awards out your ying yang but without the civilian street cred nobody cares.  Civilians don't understand military jobs or responsibilities. I have been leading and managing individuals since I was 19 years old but the first 22 years I had no paper trail to back it up. Anyone can say they have "leadership experience." You need to start from the ground up and work your way into acceptance. For anything but an entry level job you need training and experience. No one is going to hire you off the street to manage 300 employees if all you have done prior is be a squad leader.

You need to better yourself. Through education and training you need to make yourself more marketable. There are thousands of former military out there with the same experiences as you. Just because you went to Iraq and busted some caps doesn't mean I am going to start you off at $20 per hour. Get some training, show up on time and work hard.

Don't assume that civilians don't know anything. They have all done the job longer than you. Shut up an learn something. No one likes the know it all. Be diligent and thorough in your work.

Everyone likes to say thank you for your service but when it comes to investing money, business owners are going to go with the solid performers regardless of background. Honestly I have had mixed success with former military members. Some are great and some disappoint me. Sometimes I am embarrassed to acknowledge our common bond of service.

So those former military members that are hitting the civilian workforce. Get over yourself. Thanks for your service, now get to work.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Annual Goals

So I read an article on about annual goal setting. I thought it would be good to put down my goals for 2016 on paper (metaphorically speaking) on purpose and see how I stack up at the end of the year.

Short Term Numerical Goals
1.Weigh 175 on Jun 1
2. Run/hike and average of 30 miles per week through Jun 1
3. Average 2 cross training sessions per week through Jun 1

Long Term Numerical Goals
1. Run/Hike 2016 miles for the year
2. Total 2500 miles for the year total movement
3. Participate in at least 1 race a month for the year

Short Term General Goals
1. Become a better Paramedic
2. Become a better Instructor
3. Drink more water
4. Get more sleep

Long Range General Goals
1. 3 days per week strength and flexibility
2. Be patient
3. Read every day

So there ya go. Lets see what 2016 has to bring

Sunday, December 27, 2015

2015 By the Numbers

Image result for 2015

2015 was the year of the gun. In 2015 I ran less but trained more and more diversely. It was a transition year that during some points were very melancholy and other times was very exciting.


Miles ran- 801 When I was lamenting about how few miles I ran this year a good friend of mine laughed and reminded me how I just ran as far as "normal" people.  The motivation wasn't there at times but I hope to get it back.

Miles biked- 209 I cross trained more this year. Most bike miles ever I think. Mostly Mountain Bike.

Other miles- 21 hiking,walking,rucking etc..

Total miles- 1031..869 miles less than last year. I need to ramp it up again


I participated in 7 races this year. 13 less than last year but I took an 8 month break from racing. I didn't race on the road at all this year.

1-Adventure Race
1- Mountain Bike Race
3- Other trail races


My first full year as a Paramedic I ran over 200 calls. I was lead on about 150 of these. Ran my first code without a net as the Paramedic in charge. I expect to run more on 2016.

Shooting and Training

I became heavily involved in self defense/firearms training this year. Both taking training and giving it. I expect this to continue as I have started my own firearms training business.

Firearms Training Courses taken- 7
Contact Weapons/Defensive Tactics Courses taken-4
Instructor Credentials obtained-3
CCW classes instructed- 30

Random Numbers

Years since joining US Army-33
Years since retirement-10
Years since Ranger School-27
Years since Q course- 25
Number of jobs I have quit since retirement- 2
Number of jobs I currently have- 3
Number of Reserve LEO Departments- 2
Number of EMS Agencies-3

Thats it. 2016 is waiting

Friday, December 18, 2015

Carl Creely

Today was the 25th anniversary of my graduation from the Special Forces Qualification Course. I posted as much on Facebook. Eventually the comments on the subject turned to a fallen classmate, Carl Creely. I am embarrassed to say that the sands of time had clouded my brain on the subject. However I would like to correct that error. Carl was my classmate in the 18B Weapons Sergeant Course. He was a quiet man and a proud Infantryman. He was not the highest achiever in our class nor the lowest. Carl was a good, steady, level headed NCO.

Our infiltration parachute jump into Phase 3 (Robin Sage) was a night time combat equipment static line jump from a CASA 212 aircraft. Carl was on different "stick" than the one I was on so most of my information is hearsay. Reportedly Carl made a tree landing breaking his pelvis. The pain being so great he incorrectly undid the leg straps of his parachute before he undid the chest strap in an attempt to climb down form the tree. It was reported variously that Carl hung himself tragically on his chest strap or he bled out from the pelvis injury. What is not up for discussion is that he was transported to the hospital where he lingered a few days and then he passed. Carl was one of the countless unsung warriors that have died for their country in training accidents and non combat related incidents. I honor his service.

De Oppressor Liber and Blue Skies

Sunday, December 13, 2015

I Am An Imposter

So I want to let you all in on a little secret..I am an imposter. You may think I am a retired Special Forces soldier with multiple awards and recognitions but I am an imposter. You may think I am the Manager of a successful office with a 7 million dollar budget but I am an imposter. You may even think I am a competent Paramedic but I am an imposter. This is the way I have felt my entire life. I have always felt that I didn't belong, that despite my success that if people really knew me they would know I am a fraud.

Tonight I was driving home listening to a podcast and they started talking about the "Imposter Syndrome." They started talking about me!! Almost every single thing they talked about I have experienced at one time or the other. Imposter syndrome is experienced by high achievers and has been experienced by almost 70% of the population worldwide. So I am not alone.

People that experience this syndrome tend to be diligent, but they feel they are phonies. They can be charming but avoid showing confidence. They feel that any  accomplishments they have come from luck or that they somehow "gamed" the system. Albert Einstein may have suffered from this syndrome.

So how to fix this? Just knowing how I feel has a name has already made it easier to deal with. Writing this blogpost is also helping. I am  going to use some of the coping therapies suggested in this article 21 Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome. The biggest thing I am going to do to quit feeling like I don't deserve what I have.  Thanks for listening.