Today is my Birthday. 52 revolutions around the sun. As Al Pacino said in "Scent of A Women" I am at the crossroads in my life. Not the cross roads I was at when I graduated high school. I knew what I was doing then, I was going to go jump out of airplanes. So I did for 22 years. Not the crossroads I was at when I retired from the military. I knew what I was doing then. I was getting a job and becoming successful. I think I have done that over the last 10 years as well.
No, I am at a crossroads of purpose. For a long time I have been feeling a lack of purpose. Back in the day everything I did had a purpose. We did everything like our lives depended on it. More often than not it did. Now a days I feel like I am going through the motions. Like I am just showing up an making the doughnuts. Nothing really means anything. The lack of professionalism among most of my workforce or even a shred of caring about the quality of their work is wearing me down. My outside activities where I work as a Paramedic or serve as a Reserve Law Enforcement Officer is where I feel that old sense of purpose.
However I am in a trap. Success has trapped me. To leave the current situation behind would mean a significant disruption in the life of my family. I need to find someplace where I can once again have a purpose and do things like my life depended on it.
No, I am at a crossroads of purpose. For a long time I have been feeling a lack of purpose. Back in the day everything I did had a purpose. We did everything like our lives depended on it. More often than not it did. Now a days I feel like I am going through the motions. Like I am just showing up an making the doughnuts. Nothing really means anything. The lack of professionalism among most of my workforce or even a shred of caring about the quality of their work is wearing me down. My outside activities where I work as a Paramedic or serve as a Reserve Law Enforcement Officer is where I feel that old sense of purpose.
However I am in a trap. Success has trapped me. To leave the current situation behind would mean a significant disruption in the life of my family. I need to find someplace where I can once again have a purpose and do things like my life depended on it.
Feel ya.
ReplyDeleteYou won't get that old time feeling back again. Those days were then, and this is now.
This is why all us old retired guys either turn to the booze, or live the life of a monk and spend our free time tending amazingly complex vegetable gardens and giving most of it away to the neighborhood.
Sorry Bro. It is what it is.
Save me some cucumbers.
ReplyDeleteRoger That
ReplyDeleteIMHO - it is not success that has trapped you... it is money. Once one becomes used to the money it is difficult to go back to robbing piggy banks for groceries. Just saying.
ReplyDelete